from my pen

Turning Point

It was a lethargic morning after Holi which was giving strong pangs of "Monday morning blues" although the day was not Monday. No one was in a mood to attend classes. I got up late for my first class and walked to the second period alone and scared. “Scared of the thought of meeting a senior”. The class of physics was boring like hell. Sangashetty sir was busy describing about an alien material on he was doing his research for the past several periods. I was seriously planning to bunk classes after lunch and take a good afternoon nap after reading novel in my bed. But the workshop lab after lunch posed a disastrous threat to my cozy plans. So I curtailed my plan to a power nap. Soon after my class I rushed for the mess, because every minute delay would push you more towards an ordeal. The long queue would grow longer and you would have to stay in the scorching sun of bhalki with you heads down on the third button, plus the probability of meeting a senior would increase exponentially.

However when I reached the mess, I found that many had rushed before me. Disappointed, I was standing in the sun waiting for the mess to start, like a refugee in some camp. Within minutes the line grew to it's full length. People started moving up and down to manage a place ahead. It was 12:15 and I was still waiting for the food. Finally I decide to have only rice and came out of the line towards a table. When I came back after filling my plate with rice and pulses, I went back towards the line to take subzi. Usually the line was there for chapati only. As I said "mamu subzi", someone from the line shouted "Rajeev you won’t take the subzi". Surprised and puzzled when I looked back, I found it was mrinal who was shouting.

Why? I said back.

Because you have broken the line, "he commanded.

The line is only for chapati and I have taken rice only. I said hiding my growing rage.

I said you won’t take. He ordered as if I was the peon and he was the chairman.

I have already taken it. I still managed my calm, which even surprised me. This was perhaps more to do with the whole psych of maintaining a low profile and no fights between batch-mates warning from the seniors.

Come to the hostel I will teach you. He accosted, giving me a disgusting look.

Do what ever you want to. I replied, throwing a more disgusting look.

When I returned back to my table, I started gulping down the tasteless food.

Mayank who was sitting opposite to me asked, what happened?

Without giving him any look of recognition. I said, nothing. Just a small argument.

You know he is from muzaffarpur, you should not have done that. They are surely going to make it an issue. His tone reflected advice and threat.

Furious I shot back, "So, shall I go and get fucked by him because he is from muzzaffarpur, he has a group and got support of his seniors? I am on my dad's expenses and this mess doesn’t belong to his dad where I would follow his orders."

I left the plate and came back to my room. On my bed with my eyes closed, I was thinking about both mrinal and Mayank. mrinal who was physically like me, not very well built, threatening me and Mayank heavier than me, giving me an impotent piece of advice. But it was Mayank's advice combined with threat which was bothering me. What if really they make it an issue? What if they really involve seniors? I really didn’t want to get highlighted and go to callings everyday. Now the fury within me started evaporating and apprehension started creeping inside me. Tensed, I could not sleep. Soon it was time to go to the lab. In the lab I could not stop myself from thinking over the issue, and the more I thought, the more tensed I became.

It was on my way back to the hostel, I met Gautam and he instantly asked, 'hey you looking tensed. Everything alright? I narrated him the story.

Don’t worry its nothing serious. Happens sometimes. I don’t think they will cook something over it. That Mayank is a bakchod. He tried to pacify me.

His words injected the much needed dose of 'everything will be alright feeling' in me.

Back in my room I slept till 9:00 and missed my dinner. Hungry like hell I went to Michael's room to find something to eat but he was not in his room. So I went to Gautam's room where the probability of getting something to munch was the maximum. With a packet of bread and a bottle of jam we went to the roof. It was 10:30 we came down. I took out Gautam's laptop and he went to empty his bladder.

A few seconds later, Vishwajeet came and said, 'Rajeev neta(Akash) is calling you in 314.

Why? I asked

I don’t know, was his reply.

OK I said and accompanied him to 314.

I was surprised to see that there was no Akash. Infact Mrinal was sitting with some guys.

Why don’t you stand up? Don’t you see the hero has come? He asked the guys sitting there, and he started laughing and others joined him.

I wanted to smash all the five heads in the room against the wall with all my strength. Why have you called me? I managed to ask.

Why did you break the line? Asked Mrinal.

One who doesn’t break the line, only he can ask this question? And you yourself break the line. So I don’t feel like giving a justification to you. I said.

Do you understand yourself a hero, since you live with that Kunal and Michael. Vishwajeet interrupted.

The growing humiliation was too much for me to bear now. Will you shut up or shall I tell you who the hero is? I almost shouted at him with my fingers pointed towards him.

Perhaps they were waiting for me to lose my nerves, because suddenly Rahul Sinha rose and held my hands twisting them backwards. I wanted to give a fight but it was going to be of no use, as everything was unexpected and they were more in number. I still hadn’t come to terms with what was happening, that I saw Mrinal standing in front of me. He looked in my eyes and I looked into his. And he slapped me twice. For few seconds I stood there numb, just looking at him. By this time my hands were free but still I couldn’t do anything. That was the first time in my life that someone like Mrinal slapped me and I couldn’t screw him properly. This was a shame for me and perhaps the situation had made me helpless.

Hey hero what are you waiting for now? Someone from them said.

And it was then that I moved out of that room. Humiliated, helpless, beaten and dejected my mind was full of all sort of thoughts. How can I repay that bastard? What if no one stands by me? I will have to live humiliated, all the four years if I can’t slap him back. Engulfed in all these thoughts I entered Gautam's room. He instantly sensed something was wrong. What happened? Why did they call you? He asked.

Mrinal slapped me. I said.

Why did you go alone? You could have waited for me? He asked in tone full of worry.

I kept mum and thought, so what if I went alone? That son of a bitch has the right to slap me.

Gautam dialed Michael's number and told him everything. Within minutes Michael came with few other guys. The news had started spreading. Many had gathered in Gautam's room. Embarrassed I was sitting with my head down.

What to do Michael? Gautam asked for Michael's advice.

See hitting back is not a big deal, but we will have to face the senior's wrath. Michael said.

Soon the buzz in the room increased. Everyone was singing his own tune. Someone was suggesting to go and talk to them and compromise. Someone was advising to let it go for a while and when the time comes we will hit back. but no one was asking what I had in mind? What I wanted to do? I wanted to hit back. I wanted to raise my head, I didn’t want the sympathy. I wanted only one man who could say 'come, I am with you'. But I could not ask. They were themselves scared and no one dared to say, what I desparately wanted to hear. How could I beg anyone to come for my help? Knowing, that he will land into trouble.

Gautam called Ravikant but his number was busy. Perhaps he was talking to his girlfriend. I was feeling so helpless. Not knowing what to do? I covered my face with my hands, as if everything would be erased. Gutam called Kunal and narrated him everything. I knew no one would help me, because this help demanded sacrifice. And why will someone voluntarily agree to burn his hands. With my face still covered with my hands I decided that I will slap him alone whenever I find him alone. But oh god! till when will I live with this embarrassment and humiliation. Till when that bastard will keep smiling and I will live with my head down? There was now no rage inside me now. I was mentally too exhausted to be angry. A shell of defeat, dejection and disappointment was growing around me. And I just wanted to lie down in that shell and cry with my face covered in my hands. It was Kunal who pulled my hands off my face and asked, who slapped you?

Mrinal. I just whispered.

What do you want to do? He asked again.

I have to hit him. I said looking into his eyes.

Then come, I am with you. He said without looking at anyone.

I got up, and we were about to move out when Michael said, 'Kunal wait a sec. Keep your head cool at this moment, there can be huge brawl and we can be the worst sufferers.

Michael was midway through his sentence that Kunal erupted, 'fuck with your cool head Michael’. And what am I supposed to with this cool head, get fucked by these pimps and their seniors? Today its Rajeev, tomorrow someone else and it will be a system forever, with your cool head. Fucking cool head.

No one dared to utter even a single word. The way he shouted at Michael caught everyone off-guard. His ferocity silenced all the buzz in the room.

Leaving everyone stunned we moved out of the room. On our way from 325 to 314 he asked me twice, 'are you sure you can hit him’? Both my answers were YES.

When we were almost at the door of 314, I looked back and saw everyone hesitantly coming out of 325, and I turned my head towards 314.

Kunal pushed the door and said, 'Mrinal can you come out? I have to talk to you.

That bastard came out. I forgot everything else in the world. I could feel the blood accelerating from the talons to my head. I clenched my teeth and closed my fists with all my strength. I could feel my nails digging into my palms. I applied more strength, as if I wanted to tear down my own flesh.

Rajeev wants to talk to you. Kunal said him pointing towards me.

I saw him coming towards me with a wicked smile.

That was the time, with my teeth still clenched, I grabbed him by the collar and shouted with all my strength MOTHERFUCKER, And slapped him as hard as I could. There was only one sound in the whole corridor. that was of my palm hitting his face. His glasses flew and landed in the room opposite to 314.everyone was stunned for a few seconds. A huge burden slipped off my shoulders with that slap. His collar was still in my hands and now it was his turn to stay numb. And he really was. I almost gave him the second slap but someone pulled him. Within a minute the buzz turned into a pandemonium. Someone tried to hit me again, Kunal came in between and started banging him with his mighty punches. Gautam and Michael ran towards the corridor, and everyone followed and joined the fight. I saw Ravikant almost running down the stairs in a hurry to get to the scene. he came and without asking anyone grabbed Akash by the collar, took out his slippers and started slapping him with the slippers. After almost 25 slipper slaps he said to Akash, 'from today you are really a neta' and pushed him mercilessly.

The noise was so much that the guard came running from the ground floor to the third floor and immediately called the warden.

Before the warden could arrive, the bedlam was over and everyone rushed to their rooms.

We were all in Michael's room. Everyone was mum. Perhaps everyone was busy thinking of the big question, now what? Because the same was running in my mind, but still there was a sense relief and calmness in me. Ravi still had no clue of what had happened? Ravi was the first to break the lull in the room.

What was the fight for? He asked.

Gautam narrated him the whole story.

Did you slap him properly? He asked me.

Proper slap? It was supersonic cruise slap. Michael interrupted before I could answer.

Ravi smiled at me and I returned a bigger one.

But what to do, when the warden comes? Asked Gautam.

Nothing I will handle it. After all it was that bastard who started it first. I answered.

The biggest problem will be from the seniors, these pimps will surely involve their big daddies. And we don’t have anyone to rely upon. Ravi said in grave tone.

We were busy planning our strategy to tackle this problem, when someone knocked on the door. The knock silenced every one of us, as if it was death's knock. We all were looking at each other with questioning eyes.

It was Michael who got up and opened the door. We all thought that it must be some senior and were preparing our self for the worst, but it was the guard who announced that the warden wanted to meet me.

I followed the guard and was busy preparing myself to put forward my side of the story. The warden was the lecturer of ECE who taught us electrical engineering in our section. As I entered the room, he was alone and mrinal wasn’t there. So I was the only one to narrate everything and no one would interrupt. This is an advantage, I thought.

Why did you indulge into a fight? You are a good student and I never expected this from you. He said with a hint of fake anger in his voice.

Sorry sir but it's not my fault. I said with my head bowed down and my pitch low to gain his sympathy.

Tell me what had happened. He asked.

For the hundredth time I narrated the same story.

Soon mrinal was also called in the warden's room.

When asked he started narrating the same story. He was quavering like hell, perhaps the unexpected slap had taken its toll. When he said, 'I just asked him not break the line we had a small argument'. The warden shouted at him. Who the hell are you to preach the right and wrong? After a few minutes of the usual boring stuff, that included threats of rustication, suspension, parents calling etc., he asked us to shake hands and live like friends. I was in no mood to shake my hands with this quavering nasty creature but it was who he initiated it so I had a formal handshake. We were asked to write an apology letter mentioning that we won’t do it again. I came back to the room after writing the so called apology letter. The ambience in the room reflected mixture of apprehension and nervous energy. Michael had called a 4th year senior and asked for help, and he had assured that he would meet us in the morning and he would take care of everything and nothing will happen. We were never too sure of this, but still everyone had a hope against hope. Nearly half an hour had passed that someone again knocked at the door. This time we were absolutely sure that it must be some senior. Again the same question was there in everyone's eyes. Who will open the pandora's box? It was only after the knocking became more vigorous that Michael opened the door. It was akash who was knocking. Rajeev some seniors are calling you. He said. It was the first time I had been called by any senior. Now the apprehension was to turn into reality.

I knew the result but facing it and bearing it was altogether different. Nervous and scared like hell, I followed akash .At the stairs were two seniors, and both of them were giants. With my eyes on my third button I went to wish them. One of them caught me by the neck, and started moving me like a pendulum. With every passing second his grip around my neck became stronger.

Sale bhosdi ke.. have you come here to be a hero? he asked.

Before I could utter a single word, he suddenly released my neck and slapped me hard. I almost fumbled because of this unexpected and powerful slap. The second slap hit me bang on my right ear, as if someone had hammered me with full blow. An unbearable pain grew instantly inside my ears and I could feel it spreading. I closed my eyes with full strength in order to cope up with the pain. After the third slap, I felt my legs trembling. I thought this slap would be the last, but the beast caught me by the collar and slapped me twice, again with the same intensity. My face had become numb, and I just felt something hitting it, and no pain anymore.

After the five slaps, he caught mrinal and gave him a slap. After a warning we were asked to go to our rooms. When I entered the room, a sudden wave of fear and terror swept everyone, everyone had the same question, what happened? Before answering anyone I took the mirror and glanced at my face. The red imprints of five fingers were clearly visible, from my forehead to my ear and my neck. The echoing pain was still there. I ran my palm over my face and I could feel the red marks. I felt completely wretched, as if every joule of energy had been sucked from my body. My face told them what had happened, so the question changed to, how many slaps? 5 slaps guys. Now lets go to sleep.

When I entered my room, Krishna and Shobhit came near me and said, 'don’t worry everything will be alright'.

I nodded in agreement and said I want to sleep. On my bed I was trying to sleep, but my mind always raced to the argument with that bastard. My mind was full of many thoughts, forming a cobweb inside.

If I would not have taken subzi, nothing of this sort would have happened. But why should have I followed his orders. If I would have rushed to mess in time, there would have been no argument at all. What if I wouldn’t have gone, when vishwajeet called me? Or I could have taken my friends with me. But alas! I had no time machine so that I could change the past. Filled with all these vague thoughts, I dont know when I drifted to sleep. I was awakened by some constant knockings on the door. I looked at my mobile and the time was 2:30am.This time rahul sinha was the messenger with the same message (some seniors are calling you). I followed him to the first floor, where I saw bandhan (a second year senior).He was thinner than me and was completely drunk. His mouth was stinking with a combined smell of alcohol and gutkha.

From which place, he asked when I went to wish him.

As I answered patna, he pulled his right hand backwards to the maximum and swung it with his full strength. The slap hit me with full momentum. Before I could balance myself, another slap with the same ferocity and intensity hit me. I knew that it was not going to end soon. As he swung his hand to hit me for the third time, I moved back a little. As a result his slap hit me on my chin. This made him even more furious, with his left hand he took hold of my collar and started slapping me more furiously. After 7 or 8 slaps I lost count. I wanted all this to end soon, because I had no other option. A strange kind of rage filled me from within. I didn’t want to hit him or show any kind of resistance. I just wanted him to hit me more. Kill me you son of a bitch if you can, was the only thought that occupied me. I raised my neck, looked at him and tilted my neck a bit leftward so that his slaps could hit the bull's eye. I felt no pain and he felt no mercy. He kept on hitting me and I kept on receiving his slaps. He stopped, when he felt it was enough. Then he moved towards mrinal, slapped him twice and warned both of us. There must not be any fight between batchmates. Got it both of you. Now back to your rooms.

I moved towards my room with heavy steps.The light was on and Shobhit and Krishna were awake, perhaps they were waiting for me. They both were shocked and scared after seeing me or rather my face. Krishna tried to touch it in order to take a closer look and impulsively I pulled it back. My goodness the rascals have beaten you badly. He said anxiously.

Shobhit's temper rose and he said, 'morning, I am going to complain about all this'.

It’s of no use. What do you think is the management completely unaware of this glaring game of ragging and manhandling? If the management really cared about the harassment of juniors then, can anyone enter the hostel at this time in the night, that too in the presence of guards? Haven’t you heard the warden himself threatening students that if they create nuisance, he would allow seniors to enter the hostel and harass us? The management won’t take any effective step and I will be the target of every senior. I kept my point.

But being your roommate it’s torturing to see you suffer like this. He said.

I was really touched by his concern and care for me. What could I say? I just held his arm and gave him a faint smile. Please pass me the mirror, I asked him.

When I saw my face, I felt pity on myself. The red and blue finger marks resembled a crossword puzzle. I was scared to touch my own face, as we are to touch a fresh wound on our own body. It was almost 3:30 and I didn’t want them to stay awake till morning. I asked them to sleep and switched off the light. I kept staring in the dark, thinking about the next day which was to start within a matter of few hours. Now I will also be called by the seniors. Will it be a daily routine? Are they going to slap me every time? How will I concentrate on my studies? Isn’t there anyone who can help me? How careful I used to be, in order to maintain a low profile, not to get highlighted? But everything changed in just one day. When will it end? Or will it never end? Trapped in these thoughts, I don’t know when I slept.

I was again awakened by the knocks on the door. This time rahul sinha was the evil's messenger.

mukesh sir is calling you in 314. He said.

I wanted to ask him, why are you doing this to me? What wrong have I done to you? Can’t you please stop all these? But I couldn’t. I knew that if the night was bad, the day was going to be worse. But I never expected that it will all start so early at 6:30.

Let me wash my face, I said.

The splash of cold water on my face, reignited the pain. I felt a burning sensation on the left side of my face. Even the slightest touch of my palm was hurting. I carefully, very softly wiped my face with the towel. All red and blue I didn’t want to look at my face in the mirror, that was even more painful. Looking at your own ruptured face, which was once fresh and bright, can fill you with scores of feelings. That too when the damage has not been done in one go, but slowly, in humiliating installments.

Like the goat at the butcher's shop I followed rahul sinha. My condition was even worse than that goat. The butcher pulls the goat's neck by the rope and the goat offers useless resistance, but for me they didn’t even need a rope and I couldn’t even resist.

As I entered 314, I was shocked to see that along with two seniors, all my batch mates from muzaffarpur were sitting in the room. I was standing with my eyes on my third button, and they were relaxed sitting on the beds, smiling and chatting. The same set of inquisitions began. And the day's ordeal had started with me narrating the same story again. But everything which I said was farcical for them.

That butcher mukesh grabbed my collar and barked, 'bhosdi ke, are you Amitabh Bachchan that the line will start from, where you stand'.

I knew my explanations will go down the drain so I kept mum.

Look at me and answer. He barked again.

I didn’t look at him, and kept quiet.

Answer me. He barked again with more ferocity.

I slowly raised my neck and murmured, 'no sir'.

He yanked me and gave me a hard slap and shouted, 'sale then why do you want to become hero? Who will save you now? How dare you hit him (mrinal)?

He kept on shouting and hitting me. His last slap hit my left eye. Impulsively I covered it with both my hands. I closed my eyes with full strength, in an unsuccessful attempt to swallow the pain, the burning and perhaps the humiliation. Go back to your room you rascal, I will see you in the evening. he said and pushed me aside.

Few people saw me coming out of 314 and gave a look of sympathy, in order to avoid those looks of sympathy, I lowered down my eyes and hurried back to my room. I looked in the mirror to inspect, how badly my eye was hurt? There was blood red patch in the corner. The finger marks were more prominent and denser now. The pain had increased much and I lied down on my bed. Hardly few minutes had passed, Ravi, Gautam, Kunal and Michael entered. As I got up all of them were really shocked to see my face. I could notice from their faces that they were also beaten, perhaps less brutally than me.

Did mukesh beat you? Ravi asked.

Yeah and some others also. I answered.

You alright? He asked trying to touch my face to look a closer look.

I caught his hand mid way and said,' it hurts bro!'.

I won’t go to college today. I said.

I understand man, but you must attend the college. Michael advised.

I looked at him amused.

He explained, 'see, as long as we are in college, no callings and no thrashing.

We all agreed that it was a wise idea.

Somehow I got ready and went to the class. I observed everyone was noticing those horrible marks on my face. I deliberately took a place away from Maitri. I was lost among the scary thoughts about the day to come, and the night which had just passed. Maitri came and gently patted my shoulder. As I turned towards her, she asked with genuine concern in her voice, ' what’s wrong'? How did you get hurt?

Oh god! Just within a matter of few hours, I was experiencing entirely contrasting aspects of life. Few hours back it was all ego clash, hatred, brutal and merciless. Now it was full of care, affection and concern. I came out of my thoughts and said her, its nothing just a small accident.

Why have you come to the class? She asked believing me.

It was becoming awkward for me or perhaps for both of us, because a girl and a boy had never spoke to each other like this in the class. But the entry of the teacher ended this even more awkwardly.

The pain in my ear, jaws, and head was growing and I was finding it hard to stand. After the first period, I left the college and came to my room. I was sleeping when krishna came after the lunch break.

You coming for lunch? He asked.

No. I am not feeling well. I answered with my eyes closed.

He went alone and came with a parcel for me. He arrange the table and food and woke me up. I took the first bite but was unable to eat. It pained like hell while chewing or swallowing. I threw the food in the dust bin, and slept again. It was almost 4:00 in the evening when Ravi woke me up. He said that we all were called in amar hostel. With heavy hearts we came out of the hostel. Thank god! The warden arrived and sent us back to our rooms. 7:00 pm it was time for dinner. The deficiency of food was taking its toll on me but still I was not in a mood to go to the mess.

Gautam came to my room and said, come we are going to the mess?

No man, I am feeling very weak, and I can’t even chew due to the pain. You guys go. I said.

That’s why I am asking you to come and take few bites at least. You haven’t taken anything for more than 24 hours. Come get ready.

Alright just give me 5 minutes.I said.

As I got up to get ready, I instantly knew there was something wrong with me. I wasn’t feeling the strength in my legs and the pain was causing dizziness. I rested my hands on the table's edge to prevent myself from collapsing. After few seconds I felt a bit normal got ready. Out of my room I was moving very slowly, when Ravi saw me holding the railing on the stairs and getting down slowly like a patient, he asked me, 'What happened?'

Nothing mild weakness. Just be with me. I said.

He came near me, held my left hand and said don’t worry it’s just because you haven’t taken anything since yesterday. With the right hand holding the railing and left in Ravi's hand I any how came down. We were waiting in the queue, I was finding it difficult to stand. The strength in my legs was slowly evaporating and I was trying my best to best to balance myself. After a few minutes I was unable to stand, my legs were no longer capable of bearing my weight. I could feel them shaking and within moments its magnitude increased. I tried to hold Ravi and said I will fall. Before he could turn and hold me, there was a complete blackout. I felt as if both my legs were in air, and I collapsed on the ground.

When I opened my eyes, I found my self lying on one of the mess tables. Ravi and Kunal almost lifted me to the hostel, with many of our batch mates following. They took me to Neeraj's room on the ground floor. As I lied on one of the beds, I again felt a similar blackout. Someone sprinkled water on my face and I opened my eyes. The room was completely filled, and I was finding it hard to breath. The pain was growing out of control and I felt like crying. I held Gautam's hand and said, I can’t bear the pain anymore.

Michael has called the warden, he is coming. Let him come and we will take you to the hospital.

When the warden arrived, Michael urged him, sir we want to take him to the hospital, please arrange for the college ambulance.

See take him to a hospital in bhalki by an auto, because you may need to go to bidar, and for that you guys will have to bear the diesel's expense for the round trip. That won’t be economic for you. The warden advised.

Within ten minutes I was on the cold rexine bed of bhalke hospital. The doctor injected the needle in my vein for the drips. After 15 or 20 minutes when I didn’t get any relief from the pain, Ravi asked the doctor about it.

See we don’t have an x-ray or ct-scan so that we can exactly diagnose the condition. So I will advise you take him to Bidar. The doctor said.

They hired a car and at around 10:30 we were in gnd hospital.

The doctor there examined my face and asked aghast, 'how did it happen?

He just felt down from the stairs. Michael tried to explain.

Do you think I am a fool? Someone has beaten him and its not because of falling down from the stairs. I need to inform the police. The doctor scolded Michael.

We all looked at the doctor aghast. We had never thought about this police thing. Everyone was looking at each other and it was Ravi who came forward and pleaded, "Sir please understand our problem. We are students and we don’t want to get involved in police FIRs and court cases. Pointing towards me he started, our friend is in acute pain. Few ours back he was unconscious and he is unable to eat. We cannot inform his parents because that will make them worried like hell. Please sir"

The doctor looked at him, thought for few seconds and said, "First get a ct-scan done".

The ct-scan report came after half an hour. The doctor was examining the report and I was praying silently, oh god no serious injuries please. With every passing second the clouds of apprehension were growing darker inside me.

Finally the doctor started, "The brain is not affected that’s a good thing, but there is an internal hammeorage in the eye, the blunt injury on the face has caused blood clotting in the veins, and there is internal swelling in the ear. We will have to admit him and keep him under observation. Tomorrow we will get him examined by an eye specialist and an ENT specialist, to see whether there is any loss in the eye sight or any damage to the ear drums."

For the doctor it was just the result of a ct-scan but my condition was like the convict for whom the final decision would come tomorrow. I was required to wait 16 hrs to know whether I will live with a damaged eye and ear, or they will be perfect as I was born with.

Within the next 15 minutes I was on the hospital bed with an elderly nurse rubbing spirit on my hand trying to locate the vein for injecting the needle. She looked at me and said," Don’t worry, you will be perfectly alright and it won’t hurt." Her motherly gesture for an unknowm haggard patient was really touching and comforting. I managed to give her a smile in acknowledgement.

She deftly injected the needle in my vein and connected the tube of the saline bottle to it.

I have injected the painkiller in the bottle and now you try to sleep, good night. And she went out of the room.

I was looking at the drops periodically falling in the tube, with my mind worried about tomorrow and I don’t know when I drifted off to sleep.

When I opened my eyes it was still dark and the blue night bulb was on. Surprised I looked for the time in my mobile and it was 4:00 in the morning. The pain had eased a bit but the needle was still there in my vein. Ravi was sleeping on the bed next to me. I tried to sleep, but couldn’t. I was completely forlorn and the dark lull of the room was engulfing. How helpless had I become? I couldn’t even inform my parents, my biggest source of support and security. Even when I was down with mild fever, mummy used to wake up several times at night just to check whether I needed anything, and I was comfortable or not. Even for minor bruise papa would himself clean it with dettol and apply bandage. Uncle would give anything for my wishes. My siblings would take care of me in their own little lovely ways. How can I tell them that someone has beaten your son and he is in hospital. It will cut them to pieces. Papa will be ready to come here to teach the bastards a lesson and settle the score. Mummy and Uncle will perhaps choke. And my siblings won’t want to believe it. Tears started rolling down my eyes, I wanted to be among them where I was under the protective covering of my family. Where I was cared. Where I was loved. Completely destitute of all these bondings, I kept crying till there were no more tears in my eyes. My feelings and my crying kept dissolving in the darkness.

Gradually the daylight started peeping through the windows and filling the room. And I was filled with a feeling of hatred and revenge. I may be weak today, but someday I will also have the strength and I will never leave any opportunity to hit them. Let the price be anything I will hit real hard. They will have to suffer like I am suffering now, or even worse. Never in my life will I have mercy for them, never ever. A fit of anger started rising inside me. I felt like every vein of my body crying as if instead of the blood, a poison was flowing. The poison of humiliation, helplessness, pain, aggression and revenge. But I could not flush out the poison running inside me. I will live with it, and let it grow more lethal.

I was busy in my thoughts when Ravi wished good morning.

How are you? How is the pain? He asked.

Better than before, and the pain has eased a bit. I answered, giving him a smile. After the breakfast, it was the time to meet the eye specialist. He examined my eye with the trademark doctor torch at different angles and asked me to read those different size alphabets on the chart. After the brief examination he said, ’It’s you good luck young man. It’s just a hammeorage and the eye sight is normal.’

He would never know what relief did he provided me.